I Know Nobody Reads This

I know nobody reads my blog, but for some reason it makes me feel better, just knowing that my feelings and thoughts are out there. In this blog I'm able to explain my thought process in a way that makes sense, well at least to me. Being able to express myself, even if nobody reads, it makes me feel less insignificant. It's just my mother and I know, so I get lonely. Yeah, I have friends, but it's not the same. Yeah, I have animals, but they can't talk back. I miss the one person who understood me. If you've read my blog before, you may or may not know, that my dad died when I was 14. It was two days after Christmas, some Christmas present. It's been five years since he died, and it feels like it's been a lifetime. It's hard to deal with when I see young girls take advantage of the fact that they have a dad. They don't realize who short that time can be, and it hurts knowing that I'm never going to see my dad again. I'm not an overly religious person, and the heaven and hell issue for me is still a bit sketchy, but I got that from my dad. If there was a heaven I'm sure he's there, but in all honesty, I think he's six feet under becoming worm food, which I even have to admit is not a pleasant thought.

This past year was an especially hard one, because I lost another important person in my life. My grandmother (my dad's mother) died of lung cancer in April of 2010. It was one of the hardest things I've had to go through since my dad past. Oh and by the way, to top it off my other grandmother tells my mom and I that she has lung cancer. Now, I myself am thinking, are you freaking kidding me? Is that really all life has to throw at me? I was hoping that the grandmother that died would live long enough to see me graduate, she missed it by mere weeks.

People I know have been getting cancer, and it just sucks. I feel somewhat cursed, like it's my fault that they are ending up the way they are.

I know you don't care, but I am currently watching jewelry television and they are selling pearls, and they are just beautiful. I know they are cultured but they are still pretty.

Now I know nobody reads this, but hey if someone should come across my blog, please just take some time to read it, and maybe you can give me some feedback on how to deal with the death that seems to be surrounding me. Well, if you aren't sufficiently depressed I don't think I did my job. Oh, and by the way, it's that time of the month, so I am very emotional.